Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
