"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
