I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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