Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
