why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
