The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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