New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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