do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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