I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
