she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
