At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
