dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
