I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
