I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
