I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it's like iHOP with fire
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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