Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
