WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
