I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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