you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
