I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
