You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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