He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
