you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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