Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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