I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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