She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I party with great urgency now.
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