He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
