its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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