If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
