so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
