LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
