I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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