I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
