I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
