at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
