just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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