is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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