i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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