I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
