Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
