positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
