I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
