shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
