you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
