its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
