Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
