Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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