it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how do flat chested girls get laid?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
