ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
