I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
