he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Couch. On fire.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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