Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
