But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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