his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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