shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
